Mixed Bag

Hi Ladies, hope that you all enjoyed a fabulous weekend. It was insanely warm & humid here this weekend (which I can't complain too much about, considering fall is right around the corner). I helped to host a bridal shower on Saturday for the wedding that I am a bridesmaid for in October. I spent both Friday and Saturday night at my parent's home (the bridal shower was in my hometown) and it was nice to relax and veg with family and our dog George.

Yesterday I started packing. To say this was no easy feet would be the understatement of a lifetime. A) I never thought I would be moving out of my amazing apartment (especially not without Kevin), B) I am moving to the Vineyard during that wierd is it still warm or cold weather- who ever knows how to pack for that?!, and C) I really can't bring a lot with me considering I'll be crashing on a friends couch and then from there who knows. As my friends and family know, I'm a planner. I've grown to be one even more so over the past few years. I like to know what I'm doing, where I'm going, and be appropriately prepared for everything. These next few months are going to be the exact flip-flop of that. I am SERIOUSLY stepping outside of my comfort zone, yet I really am excited about it.

I keep going back and forth with my emotions towards this whole situation and am currently working through the bitter phase. Ugh, this sucks! lol It really does. If any of you have been through something like this, please shed some wisdom on how to get through it. I honestly would never wish this pain upon anyone, and pray that no one I know ever has to go through this.

Half-way through Monday and one day closer to the Vineyard...

Ready to Make a Move

1.) Thank you all so much for your kind supportive words over this past week. You have no idea how amazing it is to know that you are not alone in a situation like this.

2.) This is going to take time. Some days will be horrible, others will be okay. I have to accept that time is the only way to make it through this.

3.) I'm ready for a change

A few of you may remember when I almost moved to Martha's Vineyard with my best friend Meaghan a few years ago. It didn't end up happening because I knew the strain that it would cause on my relationship. So I decided to stay in NH and start our life together. I'm finally taking the leap. I haven't been happy in my job for a while and this has made it even worse. I need some time to breath, to be mindless, to have fun. I handed in my letter of resignation on Tuesday and have felt amazing ever since. My last day at work will be September 17th (giving them plenty of time to find a replacement, and guaranteeing that I'm leaving on good terms). That weekend my cousin is getting married in Chatham, MA on the Cape and from there I'll head to the Vineyard.

This is honestly the most spontaneous thing I have ever done! (And to be quite honest, can it even be called spontaneous when I'm planning it out a month in advance? lol) I am a planner and like to know how everything is going to play out. I have no clue what the next few months will hold, and I'm kind of excited for that. It will give Kevin and I the space that we each need to figure out what we want. I told him the other night that if he wants me, he will come to the Vineyard and get me.

I finally joined the big girl world yesterday and upgraded to a blackberry so I will have no excuse not to document all of my ups and downs along the way with you all (we were sharing his laptop so itll take a little while before I purchase a new one for myself).

Excited/nervous/anxious/what the hell am I doing?!/huge weight off my shoulders...'nuff said.

Yes, I know that it has been ages since I've posted...but it might be even longer until my next post. I've hit the biggest speed bump of my life this week, and I'm taking it one day at a time. Kevin and I have ended our engagement, cancelled our wedding, and are on a break. He's going through some personal struggles, and is not ready to be a husband. He needs to find himself and figure his life out before moving forward with 'ours'. I don't know if this means that we will have a wedding one day, or if we won't. I never saw this coming or expected anything like this so I am still in a state of shock.

Who knows what the future holds right now. But I am taking this time to be selfish and find my true self as well. I don't know what that means right now or where that will take me at this point.

I am still reading all of your wonderful posts (except for the bridal blogs which I needed to stop following for my own sanity) and will hopefully document this new chapter in my life here with you all.

I have no answers and no clue right now, so please be patient. Literally taking it day by day...