Breaking Out

I am on such a rush/high right now, that I just needed to share it with you all. I have all of these ideas and feelings rushing around in my mind right now about my future, but it can be hard to vocalize them sometimes. I was asked today about what I was basically looking to get out of an opportunity, and I'm proud to say that I put it all out there on the line.

I lived life for so long trying to fit the mold along the golden path, and I realized many years ago that that is just not me. I left college after my first semester of junior year. I think its honestly the best thing I could have done. I know that I am young, but I do have a lot of experience under my belt and a lot of ideas to put out there on the table. I also have a lot of love to give in many retrospects. It felt so great to fully respond saying that I'm looking for something to be passsionate about. I hopefully conveyed my drive and force appropriately.

And you know what? Even if this opportunity does not end up working out, I am so proud of myself for finally breaking out of the perfect shell and showing/sharing what I believe in.

Happy Friday everyone!

How have I not posted about this yet?!

Over the past week and a half two major things have been checked off of the bridal to-do list: bridesmaids dresses and my dress!! I've been monitoring JCrew for a while because although I absolutely loved the dress I picked out for my bmaids, I did not love the price. But luckily last week it went on sale and all of the girls were able to snatch it up with in a 24-hour span!





I am so excited about both the style and color of this dress! I know that pale grey seems to be very 'in' right now, but I am not going the traditional route and pairing it with yellow. I've already purchased their jewelry and while I can't share it with you here (in fear of them spying it early) I can tell you that the necklace is ocean blue colored beads. Since it will be right on the seacoast I think that the pop of blue against the grey will be perfect. It will also coordinate nicely with the groomsman who will be in black tuxes with ocean blue bow ties :)



Now...on to my dress! Like I said a few posts ago, I finally got up enough nerve to go try on wedding dresses. It was so much fun and I honestly don't know why I waited so long. I had gone with one of my sisters and we found a dress that we both fell in love with. I was ready to make the purchase that day! I of course wanted my mom's approval as well as my other sister's so we scheduled another appointment. I was seriously ready to buy that dress and call it a day. It was the San Patrick Bahamas dress:

Hook, line & sinker, this was my dress. Or so I thought. When we got to the bridal boutique (my mom, other sister, and one of my bmaids were there as well) I thought it would be fun to try on more...why not?! The first one I tried on absolutely floored me. And everyone else! It is so different from the above dress, but still so beautiful. I had the hardest time decided between the two. We were honestly in there for three hours going back and forth!

But in the end I decided on the other dress- it is slightly more modern, coordinates better with the bmaid's dress, and has that definite 'wow' factor. It fit like a glove and was in perfect condition so we were able to buy it off the rack that day! Luckily they are holding it for me at the store, otherwise I would be tempted to wear it around our apartment all day. I am so in love with it! I know that my fiance doesn't look at this blog normally, but I'm still nervous about posting it. It's also a San Patrick dress. So if you'd like a sneak pic, shoot me your email address and I'll send it to you. Otherwise you'll have to let the anticipation build for another 10 months!

List of complete ramblings and wants...

While sitting at my desk the other day, I started to write a list of random thoughts floating through my mind that needed to get out on paper. I'm sure that most of this won't make any sense or mean anything to you....but enjoy.

Stumped.

Want to enjoy the Seacoast summer:

images of tanned legs & feet,

beach wavy hair,

summer dresses & flip flops

Freckles.

Laughter.

Lending a helping hand.

Out & about.

Adirondack chairs.

Being completely real and feeling free.

Clean, crisp colors.

Living in the moment.

Letting my creativity flow and seeing where it actually takes me.

Bliss.

Happiness.

Want the feeling I have on the Vineyard - that life is good.

Drinks on the decks.

Real friends.

Putting as much effort into my relationships as I am expecting to get out of them.

Love the life you live.

Happy Wednesday all...

Traveling in style

Since Kevin and I are going for a New England style wedding, what better way to portray that message than through transportation? Instead of renting limos or fancy cars, we've decided to rent a local trolley. Trolley services/tours can be found everywhere on the seacoast during the summer. I love the look of trolleys and think that we could get some really great bridal party shots through the windows. Its something different and I think that people will love it.

What do you think?

What to do when you don't have a clue...

I know that I have been slacking on the blog posts lately, but I've been stuck in a bit of a rut. I love reading about everyone's wonderful day-to-day happenings, but in reality we all go through stormy times. It can feel pretty lonely thinking that you are going through this by yourself, but in reality most people deal with personal difficulties all the time. So I'm going to come right out and say it: I have depression and anxiety issues. They came to a head my junior year in college and I've learned to live with the fact that I will be dealing with them my entire life. It's the hand I was dealt and there's no getting around it.

There are certainly times when things are at their worst and others when things are at their best. Well, lets just say that right now is not exactly a 'high point' for me. I left a cushy job after almost three years for something that I truly believed I was meant to do. Things were switched around quickly, and I was then shuffled into something else. Something else, that at the moment, I am currently hating. I've only been in this position for three months and cannot believe that I am already considering trying to find something else. I hate that I might have a random blimp on my resume that will haunt me down the road, but I also hate this feeling of not being happy. I was reading this a few weeks ago, and it really struck a cord with me. Especially # 14:

Let your passion shape your profession. You know that thing your dad says? “If work wasn’t hard, they wouldn’t pay you to do it.” Please. There are professional rock stars, astronauts, puppy trainers, and bloggers.

I'm too young to be wasting away my time. The catch though- what would I rather be doing with my time? I haven't got a clue. I tried making a list of qualities I would want in an ideal job, but they aren't pointing to one specific thing. The listed included things like helping others, having a creative outlet, not being at a desk from 9-5, interacting with others, having fun, taking pride in my position, possibly traveling, etc.

After working out some of the medical effects of this low point, I still haven't dealt with the underlying cause of just plain being unhappy. I'm young enough that I feel like its okay to be selfish and try something new for the fact of having fun, but I'm still at a loss.

When you've hit a crossroads in your life, how were you able to deal with it? What steps did you take to improve things? I'm in need of some serious advice here ladies. Thanks.