Wednesday, July 30, 2008

calling all great advice givers!!

Girls, I seemed to have backed myself into a completely disgusting corner and I seriously need that great advice of yours right about now. The story is kind of long and I know that I am being completely irrational, but it's how I feel. Please indulge me...

SO the boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years. The topic of marriage has come up many a time and we are both in agreement that that is the track we are heading on. A couple of his friends have started to get engaged so the thought has kind of been in the air lately. When he found out that the first of his friends was engaged, he immediately freaked out saying that there was going to be all this pressure now between the rest of them to get engaged as well. I told him, "NO PRESSURE whatsoever". I know that financially neither one of us is ready for that so in no way did I expect him to propose in the near future. I also dropped the line that he better not ask without a ring, which I think helped to ease his tension because both of us know that he is no where near close to having the money saved up for that purchase yet.

Well being the girl I am, I just happened to be purusing some jewelrs online just looking at the latest styles of engagement rings. I happened to find two that I absolutely love and perfect-they were both sold at a jewelry store in dowtown Portsmouth!! So I decide to tell Kevin about my excitement and show him the styles online. This way he won't have to worry about having to choose from the million styles out there because when the time comes he will already know what I want and where to get it. I think that I am being a huge help. I mean, I can't imagine the stress that men must undergo in having to pick out a ring if they have no starting off point.

So this past weekend we are spending time with his parents, and he brings up the fact that I picked out my ring. I explain to his parents why I showed it to him (exactly what I just explained to you all). We start getting into funny engagement stories, blah, blah, blah. So his mother and I end up going off into a side convo where she asks me when we decided that this was the next step that we were going to take. I told her that it has been something we have always talked about, so its really nothing new. Then she drops the BOMB. She told me that Kevin had gone to her and his father about two weeks ago and told them that he had begun saving for a ring was thinking of proposing around Christmas. (WHAT?! YAYYYY!!!) Then as I try to pick my jaw up off of the ground, she asks if we had discussed when he would be proposing. I say, "NO" (because who really discussing that??) And she replies with, "Oh, well your welcome I guess". I was stunned!!! I mean on one hand I was overjoyed, but on the other I was thinking how could she have just told me that?!

When I heard the news I was so excited. I felt like I had already been proposed to. I was so ecstatic that he had actually seriously thought about our future together and had planned accordingly. This is a huge step to take in someone's life, and I know that we've talked about it before, but that fact that he had actually decided that he was ready to take that step with me literally brought tears to my eyes. I think it was the happiest I had ever felt.

So cut to yesterday when I am talking to my roommates about this because I can no longer keep it inside, where they tell me that I have to tell him that I know. Not just because I don't want to still his thunder when he asks by then telling him that I already knew, but also because I really do want it to be a surprise to me as well. I decide that maybe they are right and that I should tell him. (I had been going back and forth in my mind about it since I found out) So last night I get up enough nerve to tell him when we were on the phone together before bed. The reaction I was expecting was that he would be a little stunned and dissapointed, but that he would be excited that I was so excited and that he could then plan for another time.


He replies, "I never said that". My heart instantly sunk out of feet. I felt like I was going to throw up. I almost felt like I had just proposed to him and he had said no. I felt like the biggest idiot in the world, thinking of how mature he was and how he had really stepped up. He didn't even try and make me feel better by saying that he was sorry I got so excited and felt really bad that I was told that. NOTHING. It was complete silence for a solid two minutes. It was the most awkward moment of my life (and believe me, I've had many!). I almost felt like he was mad/defensive that I would even think that he was ready to take that step. He then just ended the conversation and got off the phone. I was so hurt and I knew if I said anything he wouldn't understand. I feel so ashamed and embarressed right now. I don't even want to see him.

Girls, I need your help. I don't know what to do.


Kiss My Tiara said...

Oh my gosh this is a tough one! First of all, this isn't your fault so please don't feel like it is. His mom took it upon herself to tell you that and you were just looking out for him when you told him. My roommate found out that her boyfriend (now fiance) was going to propose to her last christmas and didn't tell him and yes she was excited about getting engaged but she wasn't totally surprised when he finally popped the question. She never told him that she knew the whole time and it's still a big secret. So in any case I definitely think you did the right thing by telling him.

Second of all, maybe, just maybe, he is just mad at his mom that she told you. Maybe he really had talked to them and had been planning to propose to you then but he was taken so off guard when you told him that that was all he could think to say. Maybe he said that to you because he is still planning on proposing to you then but he wants you to be surprised so this way he will still be able to surprise you. These are just guesses though.

You guys have gotta talk about this though, avoiding it and avoiding each other isn't a good way of handling the situation, which I know you know. I know you feel embarrassed probably sad and maybe even a little mad that he handled the situation on the phone so poorly but you guys just have to talk about it. I'm sure things will get worked out and the awkwardness will go away and that he will eventually tell you what he's thinking, it'll just take some talking out. Good luck girl, keep us posted! :)

Kristen said...

Kiss My Pink Tiara said it perfectly! Love your blog- adding you to my blog roll! :)

tickledpink said...

Kiss My Tiara is right I think he was just stunned that you knew, and that his mother told you. I am still shocked that the mother told you because I know she had to know you had no idea when he was going to propose. When a guy gets in their head when they are going to do it they usually don't change their minds. He was just caught off guard I think because he probably had it planned to a "T." Don't feel bad because this is not your fault, but the mother's for opening her mouth. Just talk it out together.

I knew when my ex was going to propose, and it was not a surprise. In fact, the whole night I was just waiting for him to do already. It took away the fun a little. He just hinted way too much to me, and honestly told me everything but "I'm proposing in December."

lml said...

I agree with the above-- he's probably just mad that you found out (via his mother of all people!) and he reacted like that out of pure shock. I'm sure it will blow over and he will come around. I wouldn't worry about it.

At least he can keep surprises. BF told me when he bought my ring and what it looks like- on multiple occasions! Like, I told him what I wanted, but I didn't say "go out and buy it for me right now." He even opened up the box the other night in front of me so I could catch a glimpse of it-- I was FURIOUS but then I realized that if that made him happy, it was worth it. I don't think we're ready to get engaged yet, but he wants that ring on my finger and so does his family. His grandparents are even pushing for babies! We're only in our early 20s!!!!

Sorry for the super long reply! I'm sure everything will be fine ♥

Europafox said...

Sometimes guys can't vocalise their feelings like we can and they just go silent. I would just leave things and let him come back to you and explain. I wouldn't bring anything up with him until then. Let us know how it goes - perhaps when you've had a chat face to face you'll get to the bottom of things - GOOD LUCK!

SassySouth said...

Yep, he's probably just trying to cover himself so it will still be a surprise. Be glad you told him, the one thing you will always cherish in your relationship is honesty - even if it isn't always both ways. Tell him how you're feeling and if he understands how upset you are about it, if he's covering, he'll probably fess up. Chin up girl!