Girls, I seemed to have backed myself into a completely disgusting corner and I seriously need that great advice of yours right about now. The story is kind of long and I know that I am being completely irrational, but it's how I feel. Please indulge me...
SO the boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years. The topic of marriage has come up many a time and we are both in agreement that that is the track we are heading on. A couple of his friends have started to get engaged so the thought has kind of been in the air lately. When he found out that the first of his friends was engaged, he immediately freaked out saying that there was going to be all this pressure now between the rest of them to get engaged as well. I told him, "NO PRESSURE whatsoever". I know that financially neither one of us is ready for that so in no way did I expect him to propose in the near future. I also dropped the line that he better not ask without a ring, which I think helped to ease his tension because both of us know that he is no where near close to having the money saved up for that purchase yet.
Well being the girl I am, I just happened to be purusing some jewelrs online just looking at the latest styles of engagement rings. I happened to find two that I absolutely love and perfect-they were both sold at a jewelry store in dowtown Portsmouth!! So I decide to tell Kevin about my excitement and show him the styles online. This way he won't have to worry about having to choose from the million styles out there because when the time comes he will already know what I want and where to get it. I think that I am being a huge help. I mean, I can't imagine the stress that men must undergo in having to pick out a ring if they have no starting off point.
So this past weekend we are spending time with his parents, and he brings up the fact that I picked out my ring. I explain to his parents why I showed it to him (exactly what I just explained to you all). We start getting into funny engagement stories, blah, blah, blah. So his mother and I end up going off into a side convo where she asks me when we decided that this was the next step that we were going to take. I told her that it has been something we have always talked about, so its really nothing new. Then she drops the BOMB. She told me that Kevin had gone to her and his father about two weeks ago and told them that he had begun saving for a ring was thinking of proposing around Christmas. (WHAT?! YAYYYY!!!) Then as I try to pick my jaw up off of the ground, she asks if we had discussed when he would be proposing. I say, "NO" (because who really discussing that??) And she replies with, "Oh, well your welcome I guess". I was stunned!!! I mean on one hand I was overjoyed, but on the other I was thinking how could she have just told me that?!
When I heard the news I was so excited. I felt like I had already been proposed to. I was so ecstatic that he had actually seriously thought about our future together and had planned accordingly. This is a huge step to take in someone's life, and I know that we've talked about it before, but that fact that he had actually decided that he was ready to take that step with me literally brought tears to my eyes. I think it was the happiest I had ever felt.
So cut to yesterday when I am talking to my roommates about this because I can no longer keep it inside, where they tell me that I have to tell him that I know. Not just because I don't want to still his thunder when he asks by then telling him that I already knew, but also because I really do want it to be a surprise to me as well. I decide that maybe they are right and that I should tell him. (I had been going back and forth in my mind about it since I found out) So last night I get up enough nerve to tell him when we were on the phone together before bed. The reaction I was expecting was that he would be a little stunned and dissapointed, but that he would be excited that I was so excited and that he could then plan for another time.
NOPE. NOT EVEN CLOSE.
He replies, "I never said that". My heart instantly sunk out of feet. I felt like I was going to throw up. I almost felt like I had just proposed to him and he had said no. I felt like the biggest idiot in the world, thinking of how mature he was and how he had really stepped up. He didn't even try and make me feel better by saying that he was sorry I got so excited and felt really bad that I was told that. NOTHING. It was complete silence for a solid two minutes. It was the most awkward moment of my life (and believe me, I've had many!). I almost felt like he was mad/defensive that I would even think that he was ready to take that step. He then just ended the conversation and got off the phone. I was so hurt and I knew if I said anything he wouldn't understand. I feel so ashamed and embarressed right now. I don't even want to see him.
Girls, I need your help. I don't know what to do.